I don’t know about you but I’ve been struggling. In fact, I haven’t created any recipes since March. I was in a rut. I felt uninspired, scared, anxious…honestly I didn’t have any motivation at all. Moving from my bed to the couch seemed to be an accomplishment. I’m sharing this with you because I think people need to know that they are not alone. There is to much content out there of people constantly thriving, and why that’s great and I feel excited for those people, the reality is everyone struggles. The struggles may be different or not as heavy as some but none of us are exempt from pain.
These past three months have been some of the darkest days I have experienced in my life. I realized in this time the only person that could help me out of this was God. I have been praying and praying and learning more about the bible and trying to trust in God, and to my surprise I slowly have started to heal. Let me pause here, cause you should know I was not raised in a religious household. My parents believe in God and took us to church on holidays but aside from that I didn’t know who the apostles were. I never owned a bible. I did not really even know if I believed in God myself, to be honest.
DISCLAIMER: I hope none of this comes across as preachy or pushing my beliefs onto others. I have developed my own relationship with God that I never knew I needed. Please keep in mind that what spirituality looks like to me is 100% going to be different from what it looks like to you and that is great! We are all unique individuals and I hope we can always be open minded to whatever any one believes.
I guess for some people a need for a spiritual awakening doesn’t come until you have no where else to turn. I think once you experience a true tragedy you start looking for answers, for comfort and for peace. Since my dad passed I thought I was doing great. I was only crying twice a day instead of three times. I was going to work with a smile on my face. I was social with friends and family. The truth is all I was doing was distracting myself with things to trick myself into believing that I was doing great. It worked until well, it didn’t.
The truth is my heart was shattered into a million pieces. I was broken. While distractions can be good, they don’t help us get anywhere on our journey. I learned that instead of scrolling through social media or binge watching Netflix I needed to fight. To stand up to my fears, my toxic thoughts and take back control. The bigger my faith grows in Jesus the smaller my fears become.
Today, the fact that I have this recipe to share with you shows me that I am making progress and even though I have a long way to go, I have learned so much and only hope that I can push through this dark cloud because I have faith there’s a huge rainbow waiting on the other side for me.
If you need someone to talk to, please reach out to me. You are never alone.
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- zest from 1 lemon
- 1.5 sticks of room temperature salted butter
- 1 cup sugar
- 2 teaspoons of vanilla
- 2 eggs
- juice from 2 lemons about 5-6 tablespoons
- 3/4 cup buttermilk
- 1 cup powdered sugar
- juice from 1/2 lemon
- 1-2 tablespoons heavy cream
Preheat oven to 350F. Spray a 9×5-inch loaf pan with cooking spray, or grease with butter or coconut oil and set aside.
In a bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder and lemon zest and set aside.
In a large mixing bowl, beat butter and sugar on low speed for about 4 minutes, until light and fluffy. Scrape down the sides of bowl if needed. Mix the eggs in one at a time. Add vanilla. Mix in about 1/2 of the flour mixture followed by about 1/2 of the buttermilk. Repeat with the remaining flour and buttermilk.
Pour into prepared loaf pan and bake on the middle rack for 45-55 minutes or until a tooth pick comes out clean.
To make the icing…
Wait until your loaf is completely cooled before icing. In a bowl, whisk together powdered sugar, lemon and heavy cream until a glaze forms.
When I am afraid I put my trust in you.